A little boy I know

Last summer I got to know a little boy who looks just like his mother, my sister. Before I met him, I hadn't known anyone who look so much like he belongs to me. I don't know if it's just because he looks like me/mine that I feel so connected to him, but I do know that the only other time I've ever fallen in love at first sight is when I first laid eyes on my husband, Sparklestone himself.

The joy of my life is that when I fell for Sparkle, it all worked out right. I'm not so sure that everything is gonna turn out OK with that little'un who's related to me. It weighs on me. I want to fix it but I don't have the power to do it.

Since I kicked my mother and my sister out of my life, I'm doing much better. I don't just cry all day anymore and I don't feel like I need psychotropic drugs to deal with my life. I am a healthier person without them. But they have the little boy and I can't even talk to him without going through them.

Does every family have some monumental heartache that they have to ignore in order to move on? Is this just the human condition? Am I being a big baby?

How do I harden my heart enough to keep living and yet keep it soft enough to do the right thing?

I have a video of him dancing and singing. It's one of my most prized possessions.

I yam what I yam

I am a Virgo. All the way down to my bones, I am pure virg. I am the virgiest virgo you will ever meet. I tried for a long time to be less virgo-y, but I'm smart enough to know when I'm beat... there's no hiding it.

We virgos have incredible work ethics. We are often said to be the hardest working sign in the zodiac. People say lots of other not-so-nice things about us too, but no one can argue with the fact that we know how to work. Couple that with a relentless attention to detail, and you've got the stuff to drive people insane.

When I start something, I really hate to stop until I have finished it completely. I mean, all the way, doing it right, no shortcuts, and it's not over until the mess is all cleaned up. And then I just have to straighten this. And maybe that should go over there. And now I can see that this thing should be different. And it goes on. When I do this, my husband says that I'm in the Zone. He gets really nervous when I'm in the Zone and he usually tries to avoid me then. Sometimes that works out for him fine and other times not so good.

We have both fallen into the zone with these house projects that we've been working on. We have been killing ourselves with painting, repairing walls, replacing vanities, changing light fixtures.... The house is looking great, but we're both exhausted all the damned time and we're not having that much fun any more.

So this is it. I am using my blog as an accountability tool. I am announcing to the blogosphere that from now until the weather turns crappy (crappy means that the days are short and the trees are bare), our house just doesn't need to get any better. We're gonna hold right here.

Yes, I am a Virgo and I can't change that. But I'm smart enough to surround myself with people who aren't exactly like me so that I can be a more well-rounded person. And I can take a hint, however subtly delivered.

abiding affections

There is a decent amount of scientific literature on the bonds that humans form during the transition between late adolescence and early adulthood. Apparently we are incredibly malleable during our development between about 19-22 years of age (in Western cultures, anyway. The textbooks I've looked at aren't really concerned with a global view) and the people we bond with during those years greatly determines what we come to value as adults. I guess, among other things, that explains why military recruiters really work on those kids just about to graduate from high school.

I have a love with whom I bonded during that time in my life. She and I went through all kinds of heavens and hells together and we even inflicted some of the same on each other. We took different paths and moved to different cities when we were still in our mid-20's, but any day of the week, I can call her and there's no doubt that I'm still talking to the same person. It's common that we'll go for months without contact, but when we call each other, it's like we've never stopped talking. It's not that we know every detail about each other -- it's that we know the important stuff and all the rest falls into place. There's nothing that she can do that will surprise me -- I know her nature. And I love the luxury of having a friend who can't be surprised by me -- she's not overly impressed when I'm a superstar ("Yeah, I expect that of you.") and she's not shocked when I sink to new lows ("Yeah, you've got sleazy tendencies, so what?"). She is always with me and in some of my best moments, I hear her speaking through my mouth. I am going to Texas next month and I'm making plans to see her then -- it will be like falling into the happy, fun, safe, laughing childhood (pre-adulthood?) that she and I created together.

My husband and I spent this weekend with two of the people (who are now married to each other) that he bonded with during that same period of his life. I didn't know my husband then -- we didn't meet until we were both well out of those phases of our lives. We've spent numerous weekends with these friends of his and I've slowly been building my own friendships with each of them. However, that young adulthood bond is really impossible to crack -- those three know each other in ways that I'll never break through. That's not a bad thing -- it's what it is: just like my husband will always feel slightly on the outside when the Princess and I get together.

This weekend with these two friends was different for me than others before. It's not as though we were all transported back 10-12 years and we had the chance to make those bonds, but something definitely happened. I've already written about how slow I am to make friends -- and I'll use that as a testament to how special are these two people (now three). They have continued to give me chances and chances for years until I think we've finally hit our stride. We'll not be able to say, "We've been friends since we were in college," but (ulp, god willing) we will be there, telling each others' grandchildren, "I knew her before your daddy was even born."

That is worth waiting for.

Y'ate Whut?

We ate paint. and when we didn't have any more paint, we ate paint.

Saving medical education

68 degrees, sunny, all the flowering trees in full bloom.

I think I'll go spend the best part of my day inside a dark conference room, saving medical education.

You see, my business partner and I are really good at what we do and people know it. So when the big boss at our Prestigious Medical Center asked us to make a presentation at an international conference about something that we do that he's never even seen before, well, we couldn't say no. It's not that we couldn't say no because it's such a great opportunity, it's that he's the big boss and neither of us are so good that we can tell the boss, "No."

So today, instead of enjoying Spring, or instead of getting a lot of work done on our house, I went and saved Medical Education. You can thank me later.

By the way, it is my goal to be my own big boss and to be so good that I can say, "You know what? Sunday really isn't a good day for me. What else ya got?"

red velvet pocketbook

rowdy village people, royal value price, regular view picture, rockin' vixen punk, rare variegated petunias, racy violin player, (rvp, where are you?) raw vegetable platter, rainy valley palace, recreationally veiled player, Rita's voluptuous pout, rising venus' path

I'm in a bad loop

As you can tell by the time-stamp on this post, I'm at work as I write this. This week I have to finish an article, prepare for a class I'm teaching on Thursday, and put together a presentation for a conference on Sunday. So what the hell am I doing blogging?!

I am procrastinating. And I am making myself nutso. This is not good behavior.

And I know that the only people who are reading this blog don't have a problem with this behavior and will in fact encourage me to continue. But I am stressing myself out here! So please, friends, how about a little tough love?

I unpacked our champagne flutes this weekend

When I was growing up, my mother had a very fancy set of china and silver that she received when she and my father got married. Those dishes lived in a cabinet and I never remember eating from them even once. I am of a different mind about using nice things. My husband and I use our special dishes every Friday night and on any other special occasion that we can think of. I think that the fancy goods get more special the more we use them, not based on the rarity of their use.

I have been known to make a celebration at the drop of a hat (or a leaf or a dishtowel or whatever). When my husband and I left our comfy-but-cloying life in the American midwest to move to the exciting-but-draining life on the East Coast, a confluence of stressors conspired to make me forget that practice. That's a shame.

But I'm back! I'm remembering how important it is to make a big deal out of the little deals. If we don't do that, then months and months just pass without any recognition of all the fun, laughter, joy, accomplishments, and friendship that we live through every day.

Plus, I really like champagne.