The (mis)Adventures of Miss Kate

Born to hand-jive, Baby.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Questions for mothers

So, we're going through the home study to get OK'd to adopt a baby and we are getting asked some annoying-assed questions. I'm sure that if most parents had to go through this process before they could get pregnant, we wouldn't have a population control issue. A sampling:
  • how much cash do you have in the bank?
  • how long have you been married?
  • how much is your rent/ monthly mortgage payment?
  • how do you feel about your mother?
  • why do you think you view her that way?
  • are you sure you won't mind if your baby isn't the same color as you?
  • do you think your mom will mind?
  • are you sure? what if the baby isn't white?
  • really? are you sure?
  • what is your fire escape plan for your house?
  • ask your doctor: are you expected to live a normal life span?
  • now let's say that you get a baby that is, say, not white. will that be OK?
  • so, how does it make you feel that you couldn't get pregnant?
  • what if your baby is a different color than you?
My mom is helping me to look on the bright side of these stupid questions: 1) she says that if everyone did have to go through the process prior to pregnancy, somebody wouldn't be carrying my baby right now and 2) it's either this or throwing up for three months straight, then not fitting in any of my clothes, and doing all of this without coffee in the morning or wine at night.

So I'll answer your stupid questions, just pass the espresso - and hand me that baby.
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1 comment:

Scott said...

The Captains answers to the motherhood questions (keeping in mind that the chances of the Captain becoming a mother are very slim indeed. On the other hand, chances of being called a mother of one sort or another are pretty high):
* how much cash do you have in the bank? Seven dollars and twenty-three cents
* how long have you been married? 5 years hard time
* how much is your rent/ monthly mortgage payment? More than I want it to be, cuts into beer money something fierce.
* how do you feel about your mother? What are you saying about my mother? You haven't even met her! I'm not going around asking questions about your mother, am I?
* why do you think you view her that way?Seriously, lay off my mother
* are you sure you won't mind if your baby isn't the same color as you? Well, I'm currently slightly blue due to a mishap involving a large tub of industrial dye and a cheese grater, so no, that would be fine.
* do you think your mom will mind?I really don't understand this obsession of yours with my mother.
* are you sure? what if the baby isn't white? Again, as long as it's not blue, I'll be fine.
* really? are you sure?I also wouldn't be happy with green, purple, or mauve
* what is your fire escape plan for your house? Run screaming from the house, continue running until someone points out that I'm not wearing any pants.
* ask your doctor: are you expected to live a normal life span?My doctor wouldn't stop laughing when I asked him if I was normal. Can we move on now?
* now let's say that you get a baby that is, say, not white. will that be OK? I've already answered this. Either you've forgotten already or you're really stupid. Next question.
* so, how does it make you feel that you couldn't get pregnant? Well, I'd have been a bit startled if I did get pregnant so I'm feeling pretty good about it, all things considered.
* what if your baby is a different color than you? Okay - I'm not sure I want to talk to you any more, what with your obsession with not only my mother, but also the fact that I'm slightly blue. Lay off it. I'm not kidding here.

2:13 PM

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